I have an identical twin sister. I love her to death, she’s my best friend, but some aspects of being a twin drive me crazy. I won’t get into all the details for this post, but the number one thing I can’t stand is the never-ending comparison. Growing up, my parents, teachers, and friends constantly compared us to one another. Which one is smarter, faster, or prettier? Who could get the better grade, who scored more points in basketball, who had more friends? The list goes on.
I remember when my sister and I went to the doctor’s, we would always be in the same room. They would take our weights, then read them aloud. I was always a little bigger. It made me feel like shit, no matter how healthy I was.
Recently, I realized the effect these comparisons have had on myself and who I am becoming. In a ton of aspects of my life, I feel the need to push myself harder than most, not because I actually want to succeed, but because I want to be better than her. On the opposite perspective, if she’s really good at something, I refuse to even try it. Simply because I’m scared to be comparatively worse.
Over the years, I’ve created an insane amount of pressure on myself and I’m still learning how to cope with it. Sometimes it creeps even further to compare me to my friends, classmates, and people online.
Last month, a really close friend of mine told me about this summer program that she was privately selected for. She’s probably the sweetest and most intelligent person I know and she absolutely deserved that opportunity. But after she told me, I wasn’t happy for her like I should’ve been. I started freaking out, saying to myself “Why wasn’t I chosen? Why am I not good enough? What does she have that I don’t?” etc.
I think that was the turning point for me to realize how unhealthy the comparisons have gotten. For the last couple of weeks, I’ve been more mindful of where I put my energy. And my energy does not need to be wasted on competitions that don’t exist outside of my head.
I need to start ignoring what everyone else is doing and achieving. My life is my own. My achievements are my own. I am learning and growing, and so is everyone else. We are all on different levels, I need to start focusing more on my own.
The pressure I put on myself gets so overwhelming sometimes and I think a lot of people can relate. Especially with social media being so popular and everyone’s lives being so mainstream. Just remember, social media is a highlight reel. No one would willingly shows the ugly versions of themself online. When we see someone with a “perfect life”, we automatically think of all the things we lack compared to them. It’s not fair to ourselves to compare the worst versions of ourselves to the best versions of them.
As you go about your week just keep in mind that the only competition that truly matters is between yourself yesterday and you today. What can you do today to make future you proud? What can you accomplish right now that the past version of yourself dreamed of? I saw this quote on Pinterest that said, “The only two people I need to impress are my 5-year-old self and my 85-year-old self.” That stuck with me.
Don’t let comparisons consume your thoughts because, at the end of the day, we are all so beautiful and unique. We all have our own roles to play in this world and if we’re so focused on everyone else, then we might not be able to find our purpose. Another person’s achievements are not a reflection of your own. We all have so much to offer and I think if we got out of our own heads we would be able to accomplish it.
Slowly, I’ve been working on remembering these things. It’s still hard, obviously. I often catch myself overthinking and comparing myself, but I’m working on it. I acknowledge that it’s a redundant problem in my life. And that’s a huge step for me.
Thanks so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it! I left some Pinterest quotes below that inspired me to write about this :)
